I'm the kind of person who will remind you the day after my birthday that its coming up again soon, the following year. I go on about it every day until the actual day a few months before, and now its nearing the time. So I made a very cute invite to my family for a birthday roast dinner. I always have expectations for my birthday which generally seem to disappoint me, and they aren't present expectations, they are people expectations. I have narrowed down the reason and its pretty simple-I don't have many friends.
Wait, erase that, I have friends, I have lots just not really ones I chat to everyday or go out with on the weekends. Unfortunately getting into cheffing lead my private life a stray, and now it seems, I am left with few, if any real friends. Ah, I always have kyle and his parents friends, but as long as I have family its fine. Those are the most important people in your life. That's why i have it tattooed onto me, 'family' just on my hip pretty much.
Regardless of how you may fight, or at some points maybe even not speak, my family has been there for me through a lot, and i couldn't have asked for a better family. I couldn't have been chosen by a better family. You know some families aren't as fortunate as mine. Usually a mother pushes out, or gets cut open and its a boy/girl. My parents came to look at me in the hospital and said - yep, we'll take her. I was adopted at two weeks old, expressing the love I have for my family would never be able to be written, sung, or any other form of wording. I was chosen by them, and I believe whole hearted that on that day we both received the greatest gifts of our lives.
I received a family, and they received yet another responsibility, I was not part of another three children, I was loved, clothed, sheltered, schooled,disciplined, and mainly accepted. Life without my family is unimaginable. God knew what he was doing there.
Love is such a gift, and I have so much to give.
And on my birthday I remember every year I just remember, its not about the people that pitch, or the presents I get, Its not even about the food I eat. Its about the fact that I have a family and they love me. And they CHOSE me, on the 2nd of May 1989.
Take Care,
AbiD
Monday, 16 April 2012
Friday, 13 April 2012
singing sadness
I don't know how long it will take for me to actually do this thing, and at times it seams like my unrealistic ambition, sad truth being, its one of the only ambitious goals I have. I never wanted to be an interior decorator, or an artist, not even a doctor, but a singer. Not to say those aren't ambitious jobs for some, but to me, being in the spotlight is my thing- weird as I have stage fright , but that seems to be getting better. Now I'm busting tunes for random people,"Excuse me, would you like to hear me sing?'"
Oh well, we all start somewhere don't we?
Ive just been asked to start singing perhaps at restaurants and stuff, the pay is good, and I'm sure it will be for exposure, I may get a group of fans. Maybe some old grannies, and a few biker pervs, but who doesn't love that? Jokes, I really don't.
Work today not so hot for, as I'm not feeling so hot, I have recently contracted flu from somewhere, and I look an absolute treat Ill have you know. I had a casting yesterday for a fashion mag in Dubai, and it was literally my worst casting ever, the girls thought they were the absolute shit. I myself, sat alone, and just observed without staring, they were not so good at that.
Anyways this was just a very short, I'm not so happy, irritated snippet of my life.
Hoping it gets better, but it is Friday the 13th, and I'm sure with my luck something else may go down, but thinking positively.
AbiD
Oh well, we all start somewhere don't we?
Ive just been asked to start singing perhaps at restaurants and stuff, the pay is good, and I'm sure it will be for exposure, I may get a group of fans. Maybe some old grannies, and a few biker pervs, but who doesn't love that? Jokes, I really don't.
Work today not so hot for, as I'm not feeling so hot, I have recently contracted flu from somewhere, and I look an absolute treat Ill have you know. I had a casting yesterday for a fashion mag in Dubai, and it was literally my worst casting ever, the girls thought they were the absolute shit. I myself, sat alone, and just observed without staring, they were not so good at that.
Anyways this was just a very short, I'm not so happy, irritated snippet of my life.
Hoping it gets better, but it is Friday the 13th, and I'm sure with my luck something else may go down, but thinking positively.
AbiD
Thursday, 12 April 2012
My new begining
Ag, its been such a weird journey these past few months. Thinking of what Im ideally wanting to do with my life in the long run, and it all seems to almost be impossible, so fun times for me. I work now at a sound and lighting company that does like everything- weddings, birthdays, concerts. We sell equipment from the US and we rent it to the public for their functions along with a dj.
Hopefully I will be able to learn more about the music industry working here. In terms of microphones, and sound etc, so when im singing one day I can say, hmm I dont like that mic, may I have a different one please. Now I sing with the sing star mics and think its good. I know one day I should get into the music industry its just very difficult unless you actually have money- which is something I find scarce these days, very scarce. Putting petrol in my car is a gift to myself, as was the battery for my car i had to get two days ago. Over one k I paid for a car battery, I mean really, I could have bought other luxaries such as, soap and face wash. Its going to be difficult to live pretty soon, with all the prices going up. But I am just another person going through it, at least I know Im not alone.
I recieved a text today for a request casting for a magazine in Dubai, and im just praying I get this one, come on. Why do I not have the right look for these people, I mean will I ever have the right look for them, or am I just with an agency to be able to say, I'm a model. Jokes, I dont really ever do that, unless I absolutely have to. Model world is not glamour worls, not everyone is a size 6, but majority are and they are the height of giraffes, which helps my 1.65cm jack shit. Its a struggle being short, because you automatically look bigger than the rest- NOT ON!!!!!
Anyways Im trying to get the mentality of not caring, although its harder than it seems, I'll have you know. Theres only a certain amount of not caring I can do, until you see people pointing laughing, or hand over their mouths looking at you- eventually my not give a shit what you think turns into an obsessive, what are you thinking about me- seriously what is it??
Why do majority girls (including myself) dislike or look funny at other girls, doesnt make much sense, but it seems to be a sort of human nature.
Oh well, back to answering phones for me it is, and until furthur notice...
Be awesome,
AbiD
Hopefully I will be able to learn more about the music industry working here. In terms of microphones, and sound etc, so when im singing one day I can say, hmm I dont like that mic, may I have a different one please. Now I sing with the sing star mics and think its good. I know one day I should get into the music industry its just very difficult unless you actually have money- which is something I find scarce these days, very scarce. Putting petrol in my car is a gift to myself, as was the battery for my car i had to get two days ago. Over one k I paid for a car battery, I mean really, I could have bought other luxaries such as, soap and face wash. Its going to be difficult to live pretty soon, with all the prices going up. But I am just another person going through it, at least I know Im not alone.
I recieved a text today for a request casting for a magazine in Dubai, and im just praying I get this one, come on. Why do I not have the right look for these people, I mean will I ever have the right look for them, or am I just with an agency to be able to say, I'm a model. Jokes, I dont really ever do that, unless I absolutely have to. Model world is not glamour worls, not everyone is a size 6, but majority are and they are the height of giraffes, which helps my 1.65cm jack shit. Its a struggle being short, because you automatically look bigger than the rest- NOT ON!!!!!
Anyways Im trying to get the mentality of not caring, although its harder than it seems, I'll have you know. Theres only a certain amount of not caring I can do, until you see people pointing laughing, or hand over their mouths looking at you- eventually my not give a shit what you think turns into an obsessive, what are you thinking about me- seriously what is it??
Why do majority girls (including myself) dislike or look funny at other girls, doesnt make much sense, but it seems to be a sort of human nature.
Oh well, back to answering phones for me it is, and until furthur notice...
Be awesome,
AbiD
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Broke, but not Broken
So I'm back, I happen to be at work, which some may think slightly unprofessional, but I just don't seem to find the time when I get home to start my slow Toshiba laptop, and get it running to write. Things have been interesting in the world of AbiD. I just booked my first wedding, so that means commission, which makes me happier because I'm really wanting to move into an apartment and get married.
I mean don't get me wrong living with Kyle and his parents has been amazing, I just sometimes feel as if I could be in there space. And I'm pretty sure they wouldn't say if it was a problem, which I'm sure its not. I however just want my own home so badly, and have actually come to look up to, and respect people with their own properties, as I know regardless of what their house looks like, it is a struggle. Bonds, and Levy's and electricity etc, which we mostly take for granted when we are young and living with our parents who pay it all for us.
Stay at home for as long as you can. Musically... hmmm I have stage fright which I'm sure I have mentioned before, but am currently on tablets for the anxiety, which seems to be helping me sing for people. I was invited to the launch of a magazine the other day, me who gets invited to nothing, and I was so excited when I saw black tie, but shitting myself. What to wear, not long after that I get a message to ask if i will sing at the event, needless to say i was honoured, and scared as hell.
For someone who doesn't sing for anyone to be singing for a bunch of people made me feel a little bit weary, but I thought to myself.. SELF, they are not here to watch you fail or judge you, although some will. They are here for the magazine, and to enjoy the fine tune of my soulful voice. Kyle and I arrived there, I had some pictures (which I am still dying to see) spoke to a few people and got myself ready to do this.
BOOOO, no microphones, and therefor no singing, so that was gay. I was disappointed that after all this time of hype, we were told to enjoy the party.. Oh well, I went I saw, and I conquered the fear.
So thumbs up to me. Ive met a few people who are interested to work with me, but Ameen (peter Parker swag) is who I started with and will stick by. He has done so much for me, that I feel I owe it to him.
Anyways I should probably answer the phone or something :)
AbiD
I mean don't get me wrong living with Kyle and his parents has been amazing, I just sometimes feel as if I could be in there space. And I'm pretty sure they wouldn't say if it was a problem, which I'm sure its not. I however just want my own home so badly, and have actually come to look up to, and respect people with their own properties, as I know regardless of what their house looks like, it is a struggle. Bonds, and Levy's and electricity etc, which we mostly take for granted when we are young and living with our parents who pay it all for us.
Stay at home for as long as you can. Musically... hmmm I have stage fright which I'm sure I have mentioned before, but am currently on tablets for the anxiety, which seems to be helping me sing for people. I was invited to the launch of a magazine the other day, me who gets invited to nothing, and I was so excited when I saw black tie, but shitting myself. What to wear, not long after that I get a message to ask if i will sing at the event, needless to say i was honoured, and scared as hell.
For someone who doesn't sing for anyone to be singing for a bunch of people made me feel a little bit weary, but I thought to myself.. SELF, they are not here to watch you fail or judge you, although some will. They are here for the magazine, and to enjoy the fine tune of my soulful voice. Kyle and I arrived there, I had some pictures (which I am still dying to see) spoke to a few people and got myself ready to do this.
BOOOO, no microphones, and therefor no singing, so that was gay. I was disappointed that after all this time of hype, we were told to enjoy the party.. Oh well, I went I saw, and I conquered the fear.
So thumbs up to me. Ive met a few people who are interested to work with me, but Ameen (peter Parker swag) is who I started with and will stick by. He has done so much for me, that I feel I owe it to him.
Anyways I should probably answer the phone or something :)
AbiD
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