In a Pickle .... Literally

Yes, I feel as though I'm in a pickle. I have come to find how negative I am and how it affects my everyday life. I read The Secret, and thought it would be easy to be positive, but in fact its rather difficult to always think that things are going to be ok. How many times have you been in a bad situation, regardless of what it may be, and have thought to yourself "its all going to work out for the best." ?

Its not the easiest thing to do. I have thought many times when sitting thinking about how my life has turned out so far, I don't have enough money, I don't enjoy my job, I will never get a house. But the bigger picture amounts down to the fact that, I have a job, I have never been without money, I have family, friends, a boyfriend and Im healthy. Then I think to myself, shit, I am so ungrateful. In these rainy cold days, there are people sitting with nothing, how could I dare be so selfish? I reckon I just thought about ME the whole time.

I am a people pleaser, I like to please people, I always have to have approval from people, and if they don't like me I go out of my way to try and change their mind, when in fact what does it really matter if someone is not fond of me? On the big scale of all the people I know, and care about, what does it matter if the till lady at Clicks looks at me funny? How will it change my life in the long run? It wont. It wont change a single thing in my life.

Well there's a thought, stop caring so much. Guys always say girls look at each other funny, and I must say I often tend to agree, I do it, I'm sure you do it. If I'm in a store and some barefoot fairy dances around 7-11, I stare and think like how does she do that? How does she just not give a flying f**k? I want to be like that, well not barefoot its cold, but just do something with a lot of people around, and actually not care.

Same as our weight, the way we look, I reckon society has a big hold on most of us, you aren't pretty unless you are a size 2, or you aren't model material because you aren't with an agency, or you will never get married because you have freckles. What is it that we can do to make society happy? I reckon if we were all just ourselves, we would each accept the person who is just as different as us.

I would like to start doing seminars at schools about bullying, as a past bullier, and victim, I want to teach children that it is ok to be different. I would like to make a positive change. I would like to change myself, my mind set, and actually believe that it doesn't matter what you wear, who you date, how you even wear your hair. We are all beautiful.

You are beautiful..
Never change,

AbiD