Coffee at hand and I am ready to start sharing my stories. Today was not a great day for me. Work started at five am, which meant I had to be up at 4. This wasn’t the problem, as I have now been doing that for a while. I used to work 2pm, till 11pm, but they wanted me on the baker shift, since that was what was stated in my contract from the beginning.
I got up, as usual, washed face, brushed teeth, make-up and dress, left the house and headed to work, on the loud windy dark roads. The lights of the other drivers bright in my view, I got to my parking and walked across the street. Again, no problem I do this everyday. I got inside and started my job baking off Danishes and croissants, muffins and more and set up the breakfast buffet, I think it was then that I started feeling really dizzy. I tried to ignore it but my splitting headache would not let me forget how shitty I was feeling. The pain firing from my temple through the back of my eyeballs, I felt I was either going to pass out, or even better hurl.
A kind girl whom I work with gave me a painkiller, I like to call her the medicine woman, almost a new age Dr. Quinne, as she always has some sort of something to help you feel better. After about an hour the pain hadn’t subsided, and I started feeling depressed. You see, I just recently moved, and that’s nothing to bitch about, but the move was not by choice and the move was not a happy one. The move was from a house in which I had grown up and had been the only house I had ever lived in for twenty two years. So regardless of the fact that I sound like a child and that there are plenty of people who have nowhere to sleep or live, I am still feeling a bit upset about it. It’s almost been two weeks, and as for my parents I used to see them almost everyday, and Im missing them a lot too.
My boss followed me home with another chef in the car as he didn’t want me to cause an accident from the pill I had taken, now, weather he had wanted to get off work or see to others peoples safety I will just take it as a kind gesture J .
Ah, the kitchen, for the past two weeks there has been some interesting things going in terms of retrenchments and the way people are acting. People are starting to form alliances as if we are playing survivor, when truth be told, these are our jobs, and it’s not some game, although a million bucks right now wouldn’t harm anyone. The people you think you can trust you can’t, because anything you say is almost taped on a Dictaphone and then played back to another person until eventually every person in every department knows exactly what you are saying and sometimes there is a bit of spice in the mix. People at my place of work love to make concoctions of bullshit, add some lies, a little bit of chilly, and a few spices, and what do you get from something so interesting, a big combination of complete and utter shit on a platter for everyone to take a small serving of.
Its amazing, and because we are chefs they think the more spices you add the better it will taste, when, in reality they are just making assholes of themselves as nobody really cares that much, so again I ask, why the hell do I care so much? Today I’m crying because I’m mentally unstable, tomorrow it’s because my granny died. The one I don’t even have. I suppose it could be fun, you know to play off the stories. I swear put a camera in that kitchen you would have one damn fine reality show, that all the people will see, and they would love it. The ratings would probably be through the roof, but parental guidance would be advised.
Ok, don’t get me wrong, I love scandal as much as the next person, but its times when the scandal is really someone’s story that doesn’t actually need to be told to the next five people who arrive at work, it goes around and around and around until you get dizzy and sick of hearing all the shit that people speak. I literally got attacked the other day by a person at work who asked me if I had told someone the year before something she had asked me not to. I mean really, last year, do you think last year I gave a shit about anyone other than myself? I was the fat girl remember who ate my feelings, no jokes, I just really enjoyed food, but last year for eight months I was a little demon trying to break free and find myself. Although, I don’t really consider sitting in Mac Donald’s with a dress so short you can see ones goodies, drunk as a skunk asking why they don’t serve alcohol, finding yourself.
I needed someone to tame me, and calm me down and just love me, and that was Kyle. My apologies, he read my blog and says you know, you have two spelling mistakes, ok Mr. English what are they?? Well he says you spelt boyfriend, byfriend and college, colleague. So, I just thought I would clarify that, before he reads another one. I’m sure byfriend is a word if you are into that kind of thing, you know. But those errors are due to the fact that my laptop likes to act like an old man on Viagra it jumps up all the time for hours on end, and I can never get the mouse where I want it.
When will it all end, I’m pretty sure tomorrow there will be some stories about me, you’d think I was like the Paris Hilton of that hotel or something the way people love to speak about me, ok a lot of it is in my imagination and they are just looking at something behind me talking about that instead of me, but I’m pretty sure its still me they are talking about. Maybe I do think the world revolves around me? I don’t know all I do know is that I’m working on trying to be more confident. Even though I’m not sure where to draw the line between confidence and arrogance, I’m sure I will find that medium one day …. And at that hopefully one day soon.
I hope everyone’s day is better than mine.
AbiD
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