To be quiet honest I feel bad that I haven’t written in a couple of months, not to say that I have any followers to disappoint, besides for my adorable boyfriend who has followed my total of two blogs. Whoops!! So much has happened since the last time I wrote, my boyfriend and I both resigned from work, and quiet frankly I am absolutely shitting myself. We did resign without jobs, which I know has been said to be the dumbest thing one could possibly do, but in our case, we made sure to save for a few months without income. But it didn’t take long and Kyle has gotten a job working as an assistant choclatier at Lindt.
Now that’s a pretty sweet deal, (excuse the pun), but I still sit without anything, our last day working at the hotel is the 29th February and it cannot come sooner, it seems like we are working in Hells Kitchen, and its just not what I ever wanted to do. I have started modeling, yet have seen nothing from that, my agency seems hopeful, I on the other hand have the negativity, which I am trying to rid myself of, and continue to go to my castings, which is difficult when Im still at work. I recently went for an interview/audition, for a new record label which is about to explode and I feel it went really well. So all I need to do now is record something for them and see how they feel about it. My downfall to singing is that I shit bricks when people ask me to sing for them, my nerves kill me and its sad, because that is my deepest passion.
So, I sit here on my off day, at my boyfriends house looking out onto the pool, thinking to myself, do I get a job in the meantime and wait to see if the singing thing happens, or do I do what most people with a deep passion for something do, and that’s just take a chance. I mean what’s the worst that could happen? I could really just lose my car and maybe end up not having medical aid and the really important things that I need. That’s when the stress kicks in, and the stress causes the IBS which I have been diagnosed with, now when I refer to IBS (irritable bowl syndrome) it doesn’t mean that I cant poop or I do it too often, it just means that in my case gas gets trapped inside me, and its very uncomfortable, and bloating occurs, sometimes vomiting and nausea.
I think what’s worse for me is that I never know if its food, or if it’s my stress, because in actuality how many people know when they are stressed, it’s a build up of things. Well that’s my take on stress at least, of course if you blow up someone’s house and know the police are onto you, you would know you were stressed, but things seem to be going ok for me right now, besides for the recurring factor of me being scared someone is going to kill me. If you are reading this, and think I may need some help, don’t worry, I know and Im trying. Ha.
So now we wait, we wait and see if I do become some sort of artist rubbing shoulders with lil Wayne and Nicky Minaj, or if I end up being a p.a for a Laundromat owner. Just a second… time to light up a smoke before I tell you about something scandalous which happened a few weeks ago.
A few weeks ago I received an e-mail from Mr X, oh yes I did. And to my dismay he had read my blog, which I hadn’t felt was too informative about our relationship, but nevertheless I received an apology for our relationship and how bad he felt about all that happened between us. I had felt after two years that the day I heard from him I would get closure, but in fact I felt bad for some reason, bad that he felt bad. Now that’s not my problem is it? But I felt it was. Im feeling better about it now though, I feel that if anyone can take away anything from my blog Im happy, it may be difficult for some since its not a motivational blog, nor informational blog either, but just one person whose had an experience similar to mine, Im happy. And he did, he took something away from reading my blog.
I just want to thank anyone who has been reading or wants to read my blog, I appreciate it. So maybe you want to take a chance and follow me because in my heart I know I will be someone great someday, and Id love to share my experiences with you.
AbiD
